MaikenBelleSunrise

I' am not supposed to abide by your socialzing rules I paid to be independent and be on my own Not to accompany you I don't need your presence Nor your entertainment Why are so insistant I don't even know you You just saw my face And jumped to conclusions I'm not pouting i just need some time alone You're bewildered i'm immobile I have no power to fake yet another smile Sorry by your offer i'm not impressed You can't see i'm just too depressed Dealing with my own demons Not watching seamen You kept on judging me By the look on my face Does these dark circles And prominent creases Mean anything to you I rejected your offer Because i suffer It's not that i'm arrogant It's not that i'm introvert I have nothing against you I know you meant well By trying to break my shell But you can't see what i'am going through You can't feel my turmoil So your speculations are wrong Don't aggravate me more than i already am This whole trip was a scam Don't force your assumptions upon me I

In the party we had organized I spent the time witnessing Unsightly courtship of A giggling bimbo What a bitter pricey mojito She made me wait Turned me into an escort And arrived late So late my companion left Validating her feminity Exercising their cringey manhood Wordplay tease Silly teenagers games She made them melt They could not resist those cat's eyes Photogenic yet overfiltered Never lacking yet never grateful I envy your damn luck Your beauty and peace of mind Outsanding hypocrisy Of so-called friends You and your courtiers Hanger-ons of the lamest generation In the party i paid For the coffee of one them (and it was not the first time) I'm an ego booster for the two others Intermediary for both They choose the beauty over the savy And handed her fifty minutes of fame Despite her being the newcomer I'm the cornerstone I was invited in vain To be reminded (unintentially) of my loss There goes your agenda Hearing your life project and ambitions Watching your

Why does the day passes by faster in my home ? Why do i always wake up in mid-sleep ? 2am 3am 4am Disrupted night Pathological fright Distorted psyche There's chamomile But no St John wort There's air But no oxygene Why does my body feels like a shut-tight container ? Dry eyes blurry vision Free will but no decision Daydreaming about ambitions But never had one in action How can the mind go blank for more than a year ? The ravages of time Walking all over me 4 weeks 6 months 365 days Life passing me over I guess i know the answer: I am dead inside

A hell of a misery befell me Like a creature possessing me And built an energy drain It's base is in my head And in my heart is the stem I fear no death however On the contrary it's my wish If it would free me from paranoia It never left,it's lingering What path shall i take? There's no guarantee Once you go there's no coming back A bridge of no return Once you pass it burns Or it just breaks And leaves you hanging on a string To be at the crossroad is a nightmare It is not my comfort zone But i can't choose Because i have no will left No energy left What's left of me? Existential crisis Either going in circles Or freezing in fear Descension to hell From the well of the Unknown To the prison of ifs I'm burnt alive

I dread at the thought of that costly compulsion Claiming my short life A prison for the body A cage for the soul A thief stealing Years of my life I don't care about the money it generates It can't buy contentment or satisfaction I lost my time to shine The child in me hasn't died Why do i have to do it now It annihilates not my innocence But my freedom I am at the right time In the wrong place I'm submerged by darkness waves A monster preying on my sanity I can't push it away My mind an active volcano I'm suffocating How did i end up like this Euthanize me then Why? Because my wings are broken They can't grow back

What kind of darkness are you sinking in, Dwellers of the cursed land Is it that you let in not a single ray of light Or that you're blind How come? Look at all these blossoming colorful flowers, they said Halt! have a closer look, do you not see it? Spikes protruding and poison leaking, Stay away! How come?! Do you not acknowledge Nature? Do you dare to challenge it? You're no human then I am! But with Reason, keep out! How absurd! A paranoid alien in the forest..begone or else! A moment of silence, a silent apprehension I saw the dark clouds clustering in Time's up, get out while you still can! Fool! You're no human for not embracing it, Life's short you know.. I did! I embraced Reason Old gibberish?! They cringed, Truely fitting for an alien I'm alien, you're beasts and, I'm heading for the Promised land, You stay in Sodom, Farewell. Thunder, red long veins, torn sky ,a horrifying cry It was abundant acid rain i have a feeling it will happen again